We can achieve, survive and thrive through almost anything if there is a part of our lives that brings us happiness and joy… in fact, it’s probably the complaint that coaches and therapists hear most often: I’m not happy with my relationship or job or life – and I’m here to try and fix it.
More information: https://www.my-coach-online.com/21-blog-articles/129-necessary-endings
Whether it’s a relationship, job or friendship, there comes a time in every person’s life where they realise that it’s time to move on. Moving on isn’t always easy though… in fact sometimes, it’s just downright difficult.
So how do you know when it’s time to move on and what are the questions you should be asking yourself?
Am I happy?
In NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming), there are a series of well-known and powerful exercises known as the NLP big guns.
Of these big guns, one process, designed to help clients deal with conflicting emotions or ideas, is known as parts integration.
For example, if you really want to emigrate but you’re torn about the decision because on the other hand you really don’t want to emigrate, then a process like parts integration can help you reach a resolution to that internal conflict.
In a parts integration exercise you’ll be asked to call out, onto your open hand, the part of you that wants to take the one conflicting action, e.g. emigrate.
Here, you’ll be asked to identify with that part of you and speak to it and find out what it really wants. Lather, rinse and repeat with the other hand for the conflicting emotion or concept.
When working with each part as it’s called out onto your hand, another NLP and negotiation technique is employed: chunking up.
Chunking up is basically escalating concepts up to a higher or big picture level until you reach a state of accord or agreement; in this case, that higher state is the highest possible intention that that part has for you, e.g. happiness, peace or joy.
In most cases, in a process like parts integration, the highest intention and state of accord between the two conflicting parts is often happiness, and when you reach that stage the client will find that the conflict is resolved within them.
Happiness is important
The point of all of this explanation is to stress that happiness is really important and it’s something that all humans strive towards.
Far from just a pie-in-the-sky concept, happiness is something that we all inherently know we deserve; it’s intrinsic to who we are as human beings.
We can achieve, survive and thrive through almost anything if there is a part of our lives that brings us happiness and joy… in fact, it’s probably the complaint that coaches and therapists hear most often: I’m not happy with my relationship or job or life – and I’m here to try and fix it.
So are you really happy?
Does the current state of affairs in your home or office or social circle fill you with joy and peace and make you feel excited to get up in the morning and face the day?
And if you look back at your life from your deathbed, will you be thrilled that you chose to stick this out and live through this every day?
I’m by no means saying that an unhappy or rough period is reason to leave your job or relationship.
In fact, in a lot of cases temporary unhappiness in these situations can be linked back to a specific person or event – and those kinds of problems can usually easily be solved with an honest and open conversation that clears the air.
What we’re talking about here is chronic unhappiness… are you perpetually unhappy or depressed, and has it been going for a long time, say over 6 months or a year?
Do you dread getting up every morning, or going home every night or feel miserable and depressed every time you get off the phone with your colleague or friend?
Is this unhappiness worth what you’re getting in return… a friendship, a partner and financial stability, or even an income and career path?
At the end of the day…
…very few goals in life don’t include happiness in them somehow or somewhere.
We’re all striving and working towards that point where our ship comes in, our dreams come true and we get to be truly happy.
Happiness isn’t destination though, it’s a choice – a choice we make every day through what we choose to tolerate, not tolerate, accept or take on.
It’s okay to discover you boarded the wrong ship – it takes courage and determination to get off though and find your happiness in a new direction, to a forge a new and uncharted path.
